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Intimacy, What Men Should Know When It Comes to The Ladies

There Is No Substitute

I’m always asked about the ladies in my life, the ladies around me, and the ladies that model for me. Men tell me how lucky I must be, being around beautiful babes. Women tell me, “I bet you sleep with all the models.” I usually respond with a stare-into-their-eyes-without-a-blink look and a playful grin. Then I follow up with an explanation on how it’s not always about sleeping with someone as much is it’s about intimacy. I also defend my feelings about the topic and add some type of underrated acknowledgement because I’m going to tell it like it is, and yes, I’ve dated a few models in my life, but it’s important to note, not “all” of them.

A couple walking down the beach at sunset in Florida.

A simple stroll, at sunset on the beach, holding hands, is an intimate moment.

Oh my God, someone now thinks I’m unprofessional because I’ve admitted I’ve dated models before—get over it! Let me tell you why. Lawyers date lawyers (think Bill & Hillary Clinton here), doctors date nurses, pilots date flight attendants, cops date cops and yes, photographers date models. The list could go on about a lot of professions, from teachers to truck drivers. It’s a fact of life and it’s a part of every profession, dating someone in a similar or related profession happens daily. No one has committed a crime here, not even cigar-toting interns playing with the highest level of government officials, that’s been proven in today’s society.

And if you haven’t figured it out yet, yes this post will take a necessary narcissist approach—it has too—in order to write about life you have to experience it first, otherwise there is no credibility. This is the “Unfiltered” category, so it ain’t no surprise nor should it be if you read my first post in this category.

But to set the record straight, even though I’ve dated models, models haven’t been the only ladies in my life—surprisingly, in my lifetime, I’ve met and dated more ladies from my country dancing skills than my photography (and yes, they could’ve all been models, but I met them dancing). Actually, women love dancers probably more than photographers thanks to perceptions.

Now I’m sure to piss off a few people, but for the record, I’m not a “good looking” guy, never have been, but I “make” myself attractive, even at my age of 50, to much younger women. And any girl that only looks at me without a dialogue will probably tell you the opposite and never give me a second look—but here’s the secret guys, it’s not always about the looks! It’s how you handle yourself, especially when it comes to intimacy, something women love with their significant other—and intimacy doesn’t mean having sex, though sex can accompany intimate moments. Sex should never be a requirement of intimacy and intimacy can’t develop without the ability to become attractive to a member of the opposite sex.

Jenni photographed during a photography workshop.

Jenni patiently waits for the next pose during one of my photography workshops on photographing women.

So you’re probably wondering, “How does an older man make himself attractive?”

I’ll start by painting a dancing scenario in your mind using my own experiences. I’ve always been a top, two-stepping dancer. Back in my younger years I even competed a bit. With the right dancer, I’m considered one of the top, male country dancers in clubs I frequent.  So with that foundation laid out, picture this, me, at the age of 50, salt and pepper beard, five-foot seven-inches tall (add about two inches with boots), nice Roar embroidered dress shirt, tucked out, walking into a top country dance bar. I walk around asking the young ladies to dance—guaranteed rejection rate of 99.99 percent.  It’s true, who wants to dance with an old, short man?

Suddenly my dancing partner, a young 23-year old, extremely hot looking, five-foot eight standing five-foot twelve with heels on, comes in, grabs me, and we go out on the dance floor, dancing to specially requested songs from the DJ (I always tip him good to get the songs I’m best at dancing). Her and I just burn up the floor with graceful, smooth, as floating on air, fluid movements of our feet and legs. Her skirt rises with each twirl, slightly revealing her cute dancing drawers. Hand exchanges galore, but to the beat of the music. As we go around the dance floor, twirling, spinning, smoothly moving our feet, never taking our feet off the floor while we maintain the rhythm of the music. People’s mouths drop, people point at us, and when we finally walk off the dance floor, people come out and compliment our dancing.

That is a true story, happens to me all the time—no one will give the old man a “yes” when I ask them to dance at first, but once my dancing partner arrives, and we dance a few songs, it’s a different world. When my partner takes a potty break, the girls are asking her questions in the bathroom, from are you his daughter, his girlfriend, do you sleep with him, etc.?  Basically, the moral of the story is, any average looking guy, any older man, is nothing to women until you prove your potential in something they like or love.

Sharing the love of something together often leads to loving each other, and just like being a great dancer, women love great lovers too, though great lovers aren’t born with greatness. They are tutored through life’s experiences and greatness in bed is another form of making yourself attractive to a woman. I have no plans on turning this post into sexual advice, I’ll save that for a future book, but a point to know, look at women as dimmer switches, look at yourself, man, like a light switch. Great lovers understand this analogy and know how to use it to please their women. You have to turn up the energy or warmth, slow, not on and off.  Yes, I’m sharing some sacred thoughts, but this is the Unfiltered category you’ve asked for on my Facebook personal profile.

Besides, the social doctrine today states, “Share it all, because if you don’t, someone will.” There are no secrets in this wired-world, and if any exist, they won’t last long. So I’d rather give it to you from the horse’s mouth than you hear it from a bunch of dumb donkeys. It’s these anonymous a-holes that are stupid enough to think that anonymity exists in today’s wired world. It doesn’t and they just need to get over it!

Cecillia, deep in thought during my recent Moab, photography workshop.

Cecillia, deep in thought during my recent Moab, photography workshop.

Call me a bastard, call me a maverick, call me eccentric, call me a rebel, call me egotistical, frankly, I don’t really care what I’m called. I’ve been called many things, but the one thing I know I am, is a father, a nice guy, a published writer, a published author and a published photographer. Add to that, I’m a philosoblogger™, and these are my thoughts.

Now when it comes to intimacy, being a photographer is not a requirement, it’s not! Does it give an edge, of course it does, but if the rest isn’t there, that edge becomes razor sharp and will stab you in the back. I’ve run into many females that want my “assurance” they are beautiful because I am a known photographer of women, but photography is only one step in becoming attractive to a member of the opposite sex. And if you’re truly serious about the photography part to improve your intimacy, read the blog posts in the other categories here on, plus take some workshops on photographing women, then practice photography with your woman.

This will not only make you attractive to her, but, provide a conducive environment for intimacy to develop in your lives. But for now, let’s move on to some tips to help explain my philosophy on becoming attractive at any adult age to your gal or potential gal.

Tip number one is to learn to dance. Women love dancers! The rumor is men that can dance are awesome in bed and that “psyche” alone gets a woman’s attention when you’re on the dance floor. I met one wife that way and quite a few girls from my dancing. Take dancing lessons if necessary and don’t get cocky about it, great dancing, just like great photography, comes from practice, practice, and practice. It also helps build endurance (especially in the department where you’ll need it most) as it’s very cardiovascular. Besides, women like to go out with their men and they hate to sit and watch other people dancing and having fun while they are bored to death on the barstool. I’m a country dancing fool, and not line dancing either, the more intimate two-stepping type. I used to compete dancing when I was younger, so I can tell you from my own experiences, dancing dictates.

Tip number two, send her flowers when she least expects it. Women expect flowers on Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, after fights or misunderstandings, birthdays, etc., but the best time to “score” big with your lady, is when she’s already having an amazing time in her life—and even if she’s not, send her, nope, give her, flowers when she least expects them! Chocolates don’t hurt either.

Couple kissing in front of Bellagio hotel in Las Vegas.

Sex isn’t a requirement for intimacy, doing things together is more important.

Tip number three is the hardest, yep, even harder than learning how to dance. Learn to communicate—Geico gets it, why can’t you? Women speak is not man speak. Women love compliments. Women love a man that can change voice inflection to match the moment and I’m not talking about acting like a disc jockey, just know when to lower your voice in a romantic tone and only show a voice of authority, without being an a-hole, when you want to stress some confidence. Women love confidence in a man, but don’t hesitate to stop and ask for directions when you’re lost as women love humbleness too. Always keep your cool!

It’s about knowing what to say, when to say, how to say, and where to say “it.” In addition, sometimes silence is golden too, such as listening, while not trying to solve her problems. Also, never look down upon your girl, make sure your eyes are equal level or lower than hers, even if that means sitting down—a great example, is that “proposal” on the knee position, you always look up to your girl, not down. Put her on the pedestal, you are her audience.

While we’re on communication, learn a few things women like to hear from their man, such as tell her she is your queen. Tell her that you’d drink her bathwater. Tell her she is not a belt-notch, she is someone that every intimate memory you create together you’ll cherish forever. Tell her she is beautiful inside and out. Tell her you want to learn what makes her “her.” Tell her you want to discover her inner-beauty. Tell her you get pleasure out of pleasing her first, not you.

Understand, that when it comes to women, it’s about giving, not receiving. I’m not going to get into “sex” as part of intimacy, as it’s not a requirement of intimacy, so if you don’t understand that last statement, consult your local librarian or medically licensed professional.

Tip four, which honestly is part of tip three, body language. Learn, as Billy Currington put it in his hit single, “Must Be Doin’ Somethin’ Right,” that touch is another form of communication. Body language is communication, such as holding and how you hold hands, that can create an amazing intimate feeling. We’ve all seen that cliché photo or scene in a movie of a couple walking down the beach, holding hands as the sun sets, barefoot, feeling the cool moist sand beneath their feet. A simple touch, a modest hug, a cuddle or even a soft snuggle can go a long way when it comes to “feeling intimate” with someone. As in the first lyrics of Currington’s song so eloquently states,

“A woman is mystery
A man just can’t understand
Sometimes all it takes to please her
Is the touch of your hand
And other times you gotta take it slow
And hold her all night long
Heaven knows there’s so many ways
A man can go wrong”

Now imagine dancing with your significant other, lights dimmed low, holding each other, as “Must Be Doin’ Somethin’ Right” plays, your feet sliding smoothly on the dance floor, her head resting on your shoulder—now that’s intimacy and an intimate moment neither one of you will ever forget.

These are just some tips that can make adult age men attractive, not just old men. This is my Unfiltered category and I’m telling it like it is, some will like it, some won’t, but that’s what makes me, me, if you care to know. I’m not in the U.S. Army any more where I have to obey orders, like what I write on my blog, so I’m sure I’ll upset and surprise a few. Though there is one thing I’d like for everyone not to forget, the men and women in the armed forces, serving this great nation that allow us to exercise our freedom of speech and dance to songs we love. So please thank them and don’t forget, they, their families and friends, constantly sacrifice there own intimacy in life as they perform their duties patriotically. God Bless them all! Rolando

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  1. Thank you for your candor and honest approach to this subject. Being if similar age and some similar experiences I can verify a lot of what you say. Kudos to you for using your presence and platform to share some of the wisdom gained through years of experience and understanding. I enjoy your work immensely and hope to be able to attend one if your seminars in the future. All the best- Kendall

    • Thank you for your kind words. I’m just telling it like it is 😉 Thanks again, Rolando

  2. It’s too bad that so few men realize this until they are much older. You have said so well what I have learned through my nearly 50 years. I will try to pass this wisdom on to my son. Thanks for posting!

    • You are welcome and unfortunately, the best way to learn is through experience. Some of it happens faster to some, some learn it over time. But passing it on to others can hopefully help others too. Thanks!

  3. Awesome article.

    I’d like to add with regards to putting them on a pedestal, yes certain compliments are good but should not be over used and they must come from a place and foundation of strength and not weakness or the line itself to “get” her.

    Often my best moments with girlfriend are wherever we are in the world at night we always look up at the stars and moon it might sound daft but it’s magic and she loves it.

    Thanks for the article

  4. I came here for the photography, I stayed for the life tips. You understand and respect the divinity of the Feminine. May She bless you.

    • Thank you! It’s nice to here such nice words. Thanks!

  5. Well written and quite sensitive – thanks for putting it out there.

    • Thank you! I have a book coming out that covers this and more. I hope to have it out very soon! Thanks!


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Welcome to (Lens Diaries™), a hybrid photography blog with social flair. The photoblog provides photo tips, photo tutorials and photo diaries by professional photographer, author, writer, speaker and social media consultant, Rolando Gomez.

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